Pit exe x Male Reader - One Shot (Cringe Parody)
by Pandora's Labyrinth of Memes
Summary: I said I'm done with Pit exe, but I still haven't made it into a joke fanfic like I originally planned. So this one comes after the bad end in Pit exe 2. And there's more swearing in this one.


Pit. exe x Male Reader - One Shot (Cringe)

(Author's Note: This is gonna be cringey, or at least I tried to make it the worst I can. There's a moderate amount of swearing. It's not going to be sexually explicit, but I'll just say "be prepared to cringe". ANYWAYS HAVE FUN)

(One month after the previous ending)

To introduce myself, I'm a 15 year old highschool boy with a reputation for "being a punk". Which is true for the most part. Another thing about me is that I like video games. While cutting class one day, I went to the game store I always go to. I saw this crazy deal. A used Kid Icarus Uprising, and it was only $10.

"Fuck yeah!" I thought to myself. I bought it, then I walked back to school.

"You're late again?! What in the world were you doing this time?" The teacher asked.

"I just slept in." I replied. That's still bad on my reputation, but at least it's better than saying I was buying video games.

"Tsk, you better start coming to class on time…" Said the teacher.

I sat down in my seat and asked the students next to me for the notes. When school finished, I walked back home to check out that game.

I started to play it, and I began to see things like… corpses… Wait a minute, what kind of game is this? Puzzled, I went to the computer and started to look up the game.

I hit "search" and the wifi immediately disconnected. I went to restart the router, but when I came back I saw some fucked up shit on my 3ds.

That main character was on the screen, he looked like a freakin' axe murderer or something. He was covered in blood and had these, creepy eyes.

"Hi there! I'm Pit!" He chirped with a distorted voice.

"... What the fuck." I said out loud, I was about to turn it off but he spoke again.

"Wait no! I have something to say!" Pit said.

"Alright, what is it?" I said in a slightly irritated tone.

"I love you, Player-Kun!" Pit blurted out, in a fake anime sounding voice and smiling widely.

I paused for a moment, trying to make sure I heard what I think he said.

"Wh-why?..." I said.

"Because." Pit said bluntly.

"Uhh... Because what?" I asked.

"Ahh! You're so rude!" Pit stuck his tongue out at me and turned around with his arms crossed.

On the screen, some text appeared. It looked like those Japanese Keyboard Emojis, repeated too many times over and over… What the hell was all this? If this game was some Dating Simulator, I'm returning it ASAP.

I made the quick decision to power down the 3ds. I couldn't take that shit any longer. Then I took the game cartridge and tossed it out the window. Going back to my 3ds I was gonna put my other game back in, but Kid Icarus was in the game slot again!

Then I got a text that was already saved on my contacts as "Magical Kawaii Pitto-Chan"... What?!

"We just met and you throw me out the window?! Ugh!... But I can always come back, go check your 3ds~!" Is what the text said.

I didn't reply to it and a minute later, my phone blew up with more obnoxious texts from Pit.

"I'll always protect you from the Mary Sues, Player-Kun.

HELLO? ARE YOU IGNORING ME?! Ugh, fiiiine!…

I just wanted to tell you that you're a BIG MEANIE and you don't deserve my love ! ! !

… Are you still there?

I'm sowwey, Player-Kun."

Then "Magical Kawaii Pitto-Chan" sent a bunch of emoji's… I was trying to block this number but his spam of texts prevented me from doing so.

"Player-Kuuuuuuuun!

Hey

Whatcha doing now?

… Oh I see how it is, huh?

Hey

Hey"

He kept texting like that, so I turned off my phone's cell service to FINALLY cease the spamming... Thank God.

Now I could chill without Pit all over my ass, acting like a "Nice Guy"... It wasn't very late, but I felt like I needed a rest from what just happened. So I brushed my teeth, changed my clothes, and went to bed. I think started to dream, or maybe I should call it a nightmare...

...

I was in some weird place, it looked animated. A pinkish, pastel themed background of hearts and flowers surrounded me. The pink and white checkered floor seemed to go on forever, and it looked like the floor was a sphere. I quickly noticed that I was animated too! If only I had a mirror I could see what my face looked like...

"Man this is odd." I thought to myself waiting for something to happen. Then some upbeat music begun to play, I heard this before. I think it's called "Renai Circulation"...

Now it all made sense. This dream was full of anime shit, but what for? I don't even watch anime that much…

"There you are, Player-Kun~!" I shivered, hearing Pit fake an English Dub Anime voice. Like "Mock Voices" people make to act cute and stuff, but it doesn't fool anyone.

I turned around and Pit was looking very anime. Wearing a Japanese School Girl Uniform, Cat Ear Headband, and a Cat Tail, dangling between his legs. His wings were covered in blood and then glitter was stuck to it... What kind of nightmare is this?!

He started to chase me in a very dainty fashion. I ran as fast as I could, yet he quickly caught up. I think Pit could catch me with ease, but for some reason he purposely didn't! Why must be torture me like this!? I'm just a highschool boy, damnit!

"Why are you running? I love youuuu~!" Pit said, while making those girly anime faces. It was hopeless. I'm sure eventually I'd get tired from running, I can't go on forever...

(The next day, in the High School)

The students were all chattering about a certain student. They say he went into a coma overnight and he's the hospital now. Class was about to start and the teacher would explain after a phone call with the student's mother.

"All right class, settle down!... So I have news on the student you're all talking about. He's in a coma and currently in the hospital. Nobody knows how it happened, he was healthy and everything. Though if you want to visit him in the hospital, his mother said you're all welcome to." Said the teacher.

Once again, the talkative students resumed their conversations about their punkish classmate's sudden incident. Nobody knows if or when he'll wake up, but they can only hope for the best...

(Protagonist's PoV)

I couldn't outrun Pit... Eventually I fell down and it knocked me out cold. The moment I woke up, I was lying on a couch with a heavy weight on my body. I tried to get up and I saw Pit on top of me, with those creepy eyes, and still wearing that damn anime cat girl outfit.

Then I realized there was duct tape over my mouth and I was tied up in rope. He was lying on top of me and I couldn't push him off. I've never been so uncomfortable in my life.

"Lalalalala~ Player-Kun is mine at last~!" He just kept singing and humming. Occasionally talking about how cute I am tied up, and poking my nose saying "boop!". Everything around me was still cutesy anime looking, but that didn't make me feel any better.

I don't know if he'll ever let me go back to reality, but I could only hope for death. This was hell and it didn't seem like it would be over, not for a long time.

(Author's Note: Oh man, you survived reading all this? Lol, honestly I just thought of it on a whim to add the Cat School Girl outfit thing.

And I wanna ask. Would you like to see a more detailed re-write by my friend "Batimki_fan" who re-written my original fanfic? Feedback is much appreciated. Thank You!)


End file.
